Off with those outrageous digits!” hollered Orelly. “If we don’t stop this now, values like picking my nose with my little toe will be lost forever and we will see ‘lovers’ holding opposing-thumbed hands in public!” he thundered to cheers and grunts from the crowd, a few of whom actually “stood” up on two legs then sheepishly re-assumed the position, knuckles solidly planted on terra-firma.
(written October 2010)
In other news, Rox News anchor Gneiss Beckstone gathered the tribe around the fire this evening and weighed in (speaking of weighing in, gossip says he’s up to 700 bananas! Beckstone, say it isn’t so), castigating Obamatuk.
“He mentioned opposing thumbs again, at least 4 times in his morning creek side gathering!”
Beckstone’s faithful acolytes gasped as usual and grumbled about the “opposing thumberals” occupying the big cave carved in white marble.
“Off with those outrageous digits!” hollered Orelly. “If we don’t stop this now, values like picking my nose with my little toe will be lost forever and we will see ‘lovers’ holding opposing-thumbed hands in public!” he thundered to cheers and grunts from the crowd, a few of whom actually “stood” up on two legs then sheepishly re-assumed the position, knuckles solidly planted on terra-firma. Arching his eyebrow, Orelly spun the unscripted outburst by the bluish-dog-meat caucus as evidence of a his party’s sophisticated approach and diversity with a shrewd grunt, followed by an eloquent belch—to general whooping and backflips.
“It’s time we throw down our best carrion in the thumberal mud wallow and cut the thumbs!—to the bone as it were.”
Tree-party activists murmured “it wasn’t enough.” While the older and less hairier BigBubban party leadership is leaning their way it’s still a battle for the marrow of the conch-shellitive movement.
Orelly then went on to warn the tribe that the rowdy ejections of respected 900-banana gorillas from nearby caves was a danger and would lead to more thumbs, less Orelly. That had some scratching heads and at press time it was unclear if that was from fleas or more of that mini-epidemic of annoying thinking making its rounds as tick season nears. He then pooped next to the fire and showed off his adeptness with the latest, broad-leaf tool to clean himself. He held it up using both of his hands in symbolic solidarity (no opposing-thumb-ocare here) and snarled, “This is our future!” to thunderous four-limb applause. Note; The last rousing four-limb assembly, according to historian Trog, was in -20011, when KeKeKo-o discovered dirt. History, no pre-history, in the making.
Hoot Shinglitch pointed out it was a time of reflection and gnawing for all conch-shellitives—paying tribute to Ron Kong. Kong’s memorable words, “Mr. Chimp, lay down that banana leaf.” rang in everyone’s ears, and they echoed as the closing chant. Following a feast put on by the Peakochs, Shinglitch once again denied that he will be a candidate. “I will not run,” he said, “hell, actually I CAN’T run.”
Russell Imrie is a content producer, webmaster and a transborder American Indian blogger living in the Washington DC area. 1. My earlier blog on evolving social networking and its political power 2. on the blogging phenomenon and classic [print] journalism. And think about it – humanity’s great distinguishing leap forward was keyed by several things, important among them was the opposing…thumb.
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